I AM MORE than a cover story

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T01:59:00.001+11:00

Why, Hello..

2010-11-04T22:53:00.000+11:00

It has been quite some time, eh?

From Unemployed to Employed

2010-06-06T21:51:00.006+10:00

Hey there!

It has been a long time, eh? I've been busy and not-so busy (times when I sit down and sulk). Looking for a graduate job isn't easy. It's hell of a ride. Rejections after rejections after rejections, being demotivated, feeling depressed, feeling financially insecure.. thank God all those are coming to an end now.

After 6 long months of being unemployed, I'm finally starting work tomorrow. Although it's not a continuing position (it's only for 4 months, since it's a project) and it's not my dream job (it's not related to my degree), I reckon it will be a good experience. Moreover, it will look pretty good on my resume as I'll be working with my University (yes, Melbourne University).

4 months will fly by and I'll be back to where I was: feeling rejected, demotivated, depressed, and financially insecure.

No one will know how it feels to be unemployed (unless you've been there) and the feeling of the world coming to an end.. but I guess things happen for a reason. So I've been told.

Let's just hope that things will work out alright after 4 months.

2010-04-22T21:56:00.000+10:00

You're so consumed with how much you get. You waste your time with hate and regret. You're broken, when your heart's not open.

- Madonna

Easter

2010-04-06T19:38:00.006+10:00

My sister and I left for Warrnambool (still in Victoria, about 4 hours drive from Melbourne) last Friday in the morning for our short Easter break. We stayed over at Lavi's (ex, ex-housemate) place during our stay.

We went to Time and Tide Gallery Cafe again. How can we not eat our favourite Smoked Trout Salad while enjoying the view of Logans Beach, right?

We had a lot of fun at Lake Pertobe, which is just next to Stingray Bay and Lady Bay. Four of us hired two mini motor boats and rode around the lake like small kids. It was fun, but the boat was pretty difficult to manoeuvre! My sister nearly capsized the boat and we nearly fell into the not-so-clean lake water.

We went to Stingray Bay for some sun tanning session. The water was icy cold and the tide was low. It was all good!

After trying to decide where to go on Saturday, we drove all the way to Mount Gambier, South Australia! How exciting!

Upon arrival, we visited the information centre. Soon, we headed to Blue Lake to enjoy the "blueness" of the water. Oh my God, the sight was fantastic!

Then we headed to Engelbrecht Cave, which wasn't that nice. I mean, the cave in itself is nice, but nothing to shout about. Thank God my ticket fee was at student price!

Where did we go next? We went to Port MacDonnell, which was 30 minutes away from Mount Gambier. The wind was so strong and cold, so much so my ears started to hurt.. for the first time.

For the complete album, click on Easter 2010.

2010-04-05T17:51:00.000+10:00

After thinking it through, this website will not be terminated, but it won't be updated frequently (I'm sure you can tell).

I've put in (or wasted) a lot of effort and time into designing and creating this page, so I'll just leave it be. If you'd like more frequent thoughts and updates, check out my Tumblr site Silent Soliloquy.

2010-03-14T01:19:00.000+11:00

Maybe it's time..

...to let this site go.

Hello Mac!

2010-01-27T21:59:00.003+11:00

So here's the deal. I'm not a complete Mac yet.

I still quite like my PC.

The thing is.. I'd like to be as neutral as possible in the heated debate between Mac and PC users. It's really petrifying to be involved in it. I have PC and Mac friends, and oh come on, should we even quarrel and risk our friendships over this debate?

But I do like my new Mac.

I'm starting to become accustomed to it. Me loike!

PS: Ok, this post is nonsense.

2010-01-22T16:17:00.000+11:00

Too good to be true.

Nervous

2010-01-20T21:36:00.002+11:00

I went for a job interview yesterday at 1.15pm. I was a little paranoid (and definitely nervous, of course) so I left my house early, like really early, and drove to GradSolutions. There were a few interviewees before me and a couple after me. I timed them all and they were all interviewed for no more than 15 minutes. Unfortunately for me, my interview session lasted for no more than 10 minutes.

Might I add, I wasn't thaaatt professional in answering the questions.. I said a lot of things like "stuff" and "like that". So colloquial, I know! But hey, it was my first professional interview.

So I drove home and had a video call with mom. While waiting for mom to switch from Skype to MSN, GradSolutions called me! They called and asked me to go in for a trial session tomorrow from 10.30am-4pm! I'm not sure if I should be happy, but I'm more nervous than I was for the interview. Why? I'm going to be put on the spot and I've got to perform well. All eyes are going to be on me when I communicate with potential clients.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, my potential title would be Marketing Consultant.

Like O. M. G.

I'm going to pee in my pants!

Come What May

2010-01-05T23:47:00.004+11:00

In a glimpse of an eye and we're in 2010. I bet everyone agrees with me that time passes by really fast and 2010 will not be an exception. Christmas came and left, so New Year's was the same. But really, are our minds infinite? Can we foster all our memories in our brains?

I graduated on the 15th of December last year and the phrase "last year" just seems so wrong. When I was in high school, I could never picture myself in college. I was never a bright student, but who could blame me when our Malaysian education system was (and probably still is) dry and boring? I managed to do pretty alright in my last high school year and was accepted into the college that I (sort of) wanted. I could have missed out on the acceptance, really. Then 2006 kicked in and things got better. Surprisingly, I did very well in college. I didn't "turn over a new leaf", it was just that the Canadian education system sat well with me and I enjoyed studying. For the first time, studying wasn't a chore. I graduated from college in December amongst the top students who scored 80% and above. A job well done, I suppose. One of my proudest moments ever! Then came 2007. Who would have thought that The University of Melbourne would accept me? Clearly, my doubts were wrong. UoM accepted me and I embarked on a journey that I thought I never would. I had a few rough times, but that was what made me stronger and more persistent. I did alright in Uni, I was above average. Second class honours is to die for, but as we all know it, we always want more. I wanted more and I almost hit rock bottom when things didn't go my way. Anyways, I graduated regardless.

I could never see myself in Uni, but here I am! A fresh graduated of UoM. I should be proud of myself.. yet, I have more doubts than before.

How am I going to look for a job when no one wants me simply because I lack experience? If no one wants to hire me because I lack experience, I'll never get any experience. Thus, I'll be an unemployed graduate. Forever. No longer fresh, but old and inexperienced.

It's now 2010. I don't have any resolutions in particular, but I guess my general resolution is to take each day as it comes. Whatever it is, things happen for a reason. I have overcome some of life's hurdles, I might as well just sit tight and overcome the next hurdle with a better perspective.

So here's to a new year.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T02:15:00.000+11:00

UNFCCC Copenhagen Conference

2009-12-07T22:31:00.004+11:00

I watched the live welcoming/opening ceremony of the Copenhagen conference not too long ago. The opening fil m by the Danes were so touching, so much so that I teared a little. But to be honest, it was a very depressing start.

Today marks the first day of negotiations.

I have been tweeting and blogging about the countdown on Twitter and Tumblr. I have this feeling many friends are annoyed at my tweets and posts because (obviously) they do not have the same interest as I have, but who cares. The world and the population are what matters now.

Voice out your hopes here. Let the world leaders know how you feel, what you want the outcome of COP15 to be - a legally binding agreement!

Failure in the Copenhagen negotiations is not an option!

"Time is up - the deadline is Copenhagen."
- COP15 President Connie Hedegaard (newly elected today)

I Am Graduating

2009-11-26T01:27:00.006+11:00

Sorry for the lack of updates over the past few weeks. Metaphorically speaking, I was strapped on tight onto the seat of a roller coaster and I could not get off the ride until it made a full circle (or else, I would die). I am glad to say, however, despite fearing for my life, I managed to get off the ride alive. Regarding my internals, I am not quite sure if they are still intact, but I will have to wait and see when the results are out!

So if you will, hang on there a little longer with me!

Other than that, life is still life.

Ellie left for Singapore (then to Malaysia-Singapore-back-and-forth) this morning at eleven. I am a bit disappointed because I am unable to show her around, but oh well. I had a very early dinner with her the night before she left and we had a good catch up talk. We rarely hang out, but I like it that way. We get to talk a whole bunch when we meet up! I love long talks! It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. So yes, I suggested places for her to go and I hope she has enough time! I mean, three weeks in Singapore and Malaysia? That is a long time, right? I hope she emails me like when she was on exchange in China! :)

I received my super belated birthday present from Sheryl today. She made a square pillow/cushion (whatever you want to call it) with a cupcake on it! Yes, she made it herself. How can you be upset with her? I really love it and I have no clue about what to name it. Anyway, I guess it is worse for me because she is leaving on the 27th for Singapore to work. She will return when her PR application has been approved. Thankfully, I met up with her today. We have been in constant lock down because it is (or was, rather) our final semester. It was good to see her.. for the last time. Well, kind of... One good friend down. I seriously need to hunt for Andrew now!

If you would like to see the pillow/cushion, check out my Tumblr site. I update my Tumblr very often and it is a blog for random thoughts and encounters (and if you are lucky, you will find good places to eat on it). As for this blog, can someone tell me what I should do with it? I want to delete it because I do not want to feel obliged to update it. It is more of a personal thing as oppose to Tumblr. I mean, I feel like I am free to do anything with Tumblr. I know it sounds weird, but I do not want to be tied down to something that I am no longer committed to (this does not apply to relationships). For now, I just want to do stuff on my own accord.

Life is too short, you know?

Drumrolls..

2009-11-04T11:55:00.001+11:00

Happy 22nd Birthday, Ellie!

Untitled #19

2009-11-03T22:02:00.002+11:00

Everyday should be like today, minus the wind. Cool sunny day, cool night. I love days like this! It makes me happy. I don't heat up easily and I don't get nose bleeds! Today is a good day!

P/S: My tumblr site is up and running!

Time Flies

2009-10-29T11:46:00.005+11:00

I'm a little sad.

I just came back from my last university contact-hour, realising that my parents' money had just disappeared. It's good for me simply because I'm privileged enough to be able to study abroad, but it's pretty bad for my parents in general because UoM sucked them dry. Also, UoM did remove a whole chunk of important and core subjects from my majors and left me with no choice, but to take up subjects that I either dislike or have no interest in. The Melbourne Model can just kick ass!

So now it's time to buck up and make the best of out my university career or _______ up. (Fill in the blank yourself.)

Hello, SWOT Vac!

To Someone Special..

2009-10-23T00:23:00.004+11:00

Happy 21st Birthday, my awesome nut!

An excuse is always an excuse, but photos of me and you have been (strangely) deleted from my laptop. Fear not! They are safe and sound in my hard drive! The excuse is that it is a hassle to transfer the photos with my old school hard drive just so I can upload them here. Also, it is pretty late now. I'm allowed to be lazy because I'm three hours ahead of you!

Oh my God, Ai Leen! You call this friendship?

Hehe. Sorry, Wenn! I still love you no matter what! And you know, it's the thought that counts, kan?

I don't have much to say, except thank you! I have expressed everything I need or want to say before. Everything remains in a good way. Well, it's just that we haven't really been in touch. I'm quite sad you ditched me for your exams. I guess you choose exams over your friends.. *sobs*

Sad story aside, have a wonderful day!

I miss you.. a lot!

AH!

2009-10-22T16:06:00.005+11:00

My Scotch tape dispenser decided to leave me with a little something, something. A mémoire, perhaps.

I now have a 1.1cm (yes, I measured) deep cut on my right third finger. It keeps spewing out blood and my finger is very swollen. My finger is so freaking fat! How am I going to bath? I know I sound like a puteri lilin, but the whole world knows that cuts or bruises hurt (a little or a lot) when they are in contact with water. Moreover, I am talking about my finger - a physical part of myself that I use 27 hours a day. (Sarcasm not intended. Seriously.)

Ok, sorry. I have got to stop fussing.

But my Scotch tape dispenser is still a murderer.

Note: the photo was taken when I first got the cut. So it is "fresh" looking and (doh) does not tally with what I formerly described.

Untitled #18

2009-10-21T12:46:00.001+11:00

Are you honestly glad to hear from me?

Because, if you have yet to notice, I really miss you.

Reality

2009-10-19T23:07:00.003+11:00

The battle is on.

Back-to-back: essay, take home exam, exam, and exam. Six (very short) days to prepare for a take home exam and an exam - no extensions allowed. Lecturers and tutors have no pity on us students, really. Arts has never been this tough. I don't know how I'm going to make it, but I'll definitely try.

Some assurance please.

Sigh.

Untitled #17

2009-10-18T17:59:00.005+11:00

My teenage years have gone. I stepped into adulthood a couple of months ago and nothing has changed. My life is a monotonous journey, with nothing eventful or noteworthy.

One day, I will look back and say, "I was a boring teenager and I did not enjoy my teen years to the fullest. I will die regretting how I spent the first 20 years of my life." Even if I had the chance to go back in time to change things, I cannot guarantee the outcome.

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools,
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale,
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

- William Shakespeare

Fin.

Pain Lives With Me

2009-10-17T13:25:00.005+11:00

I have never been in so much agony. Never in my life.

I could not sit on my study chair. I could barely walk and even when I tried to walk, I screamed constantly. The walk to the toilet took me minutes when it usually takes me seconds. So I laid on my bed in hopes of sleeping the pain away, but the process of lying down and getting up was torture. I had no choice, I just screamed every time I made subtle moves until I fell asleep.

My life is sad. The life of a previous dancer is absolutely sad.

I am in excruciating pain. Slipped disc is not a fun thing to be living with.

God help me!

You

2009-10-16T12:44:00.003+11:00

I always needed time on my own,
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry,
And the days feel like years when I'm alone,
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side.

When you walk away I count the steps that you take,
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone,
The pieces of my heart are missing you.
When you're gone,
The face I came to know is missing too.
When you're gone,
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok.

I miss you.

- Avril Lavigne

Need A Life

2009-10-14T18:44:00.006+11:00

It is pretty evident that I am no longer a fervent blogger. Moreover, I stopped blogging about my daily routines and encounters. I mean, who wants to know about my every move, right? Let my Twitter do the job.. not unless there is a stalker or a secret crush (inform me if you are the crusher) out there, or a seriously noteworthy update about my life (i.e. I am getting married or even I have a boyfriend). If any of you are expecting to hear about the latter, well, please keep waiting.

I guess the only absolute highlight of my extremely dull life is that I am (together with my sister) looking for a future housemate. Yes, my current housemate will be "moving out with [his] friends". Apparently. I am more than ecstatic.

What should I do with this blog? I have reached a point where I believe that blogging is a teen thing and I am no longer a teen. You may correct my if I am wrong, but I just feel this way - that is all.

Who the hell reads my blog anyway?

Wow, you are so cheap. You have your own rice, but you secretly use our (my sister and I) rice. I have never seen such a calculative asshole before. It is okay.. karma will bite your ass sooner than you think.

Untitled #16

2009-10-05T23:44:00.002+11:00

True friends will always find time for their friends even if things get hectic.

True friends will find that they do not need any excuses.

Untitled #15

2009-10-03T11:29:00.002+10:00

Out here on my own.

Untitled #14

2009-10-01T19:40:00.004+10:00

I may have been liberated,

but I'm no where near free.

Untitled #13

2009-09-30T23:56:00.004+10:00

Tonight, I broke my own record.

After more than one hour of bleeding, I lost count.

I lost hope, I lost trust, I lost purpose, I lost certainty, I lost vision.

I lost myself.

Surely, my anger meant something.
Surely, my tears of sorrow signalled help.
Surely, some miracle could have happened.

Isn't there something I could do?

I almost gave up. I almost gave in.

I caved in.

"Underneath this smile, my world is slowly caving in.
All the while, I'm hanging on 'cause that is all I know....
I've been hiding out for miles, underneath this smile"
- Hilary Duff

iDream

2009-09-29T21:53:00.003+10:00

Sometimes, I wish I had taken the path of PA.

I wish that I never had to hurt my back and tear my left quadriceps while doing that jump. I worked so hard to master every step even though I was in so much pain. When the moment came, I hoped and prayed that I could get my final Honours. But no, I received a Commended simply because I couldn't out-perform the pain that I was in.

In life, no matter how hard you work for something, you will never get you want.

That's how I lost hope.

I swore I would never touch my tap shoes ever again.

Now, they just sit on my shoe rack with a thick coat of dust. And every once in awhile, I reminisce on all the lovely memories that I had with them. The feeling of freedom, joy and the love I had for tapping away.

The feeling of defeat lasted for months and I tucked away the love I once had for tap.

What can you do in PA when you have a slipped disc? When it hurts so much to even lie on the bed? To even walk? Nothing.

If I could turn back time, I would have chosen to continue dancing even if I had to cringe in pain for every waking moment.

I miss being able to dance because I actually can, but there's no point in missing it..

Never give up on your dreams.

You only have one shot in your life.

Untitled #12

2009-09-25T11:41:00.003+10:00

Almost everyone has someone..

Except me.

A Nation of Extremes

2009-09-23T18:28:00.006+10:00

Within a week across Australia, we have noticed bushfires in Queensland, hail storms in South Australia, and heavy rain and earthquakes in Victoria. Now, we witness a dust storm blanketing Sydney and Brisbane.

Climate change is no longer imminent. It is immanent and perhaps, it's here to stay.

Will there be another extreme 1983 Melbourne dust storm?

Why?

2009-09-22T14:51:00.003+10:00

Why must we be constantly reminded about the Real and reality?

Must such binaries exist?

I Love Writing Essays!

2009-09-21T15:12:00.004+10:00

I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.
I love writing essays. I love writing essays. I love writing essays.

I mean, who doesn't, right?

I Love You!

2009-09-19T12:18:00.002+10:00

Hey fantabulous person! You're 21 just like the rest now! I miss you heaps and I'm sorry I can't be home for your party. Regardless, I know you will enjoy yourself today and have great fun! I'm currently listening to an emotional song and it's making me sad.. but anyhoo! :) I love you banyak-banyak! You've been a fantastic kawan and yes, you're a very funny person! You know how to make people laugh until they cry, which is good. So now, your head can grow, only for today, simply because it's your special day!

*smooches*

Dear God,

2009-09-17T13:58:00.008+10:00

I hope that You can miraculously cure my nose and stop it from bleeding. I'm tired of having to stop what I'm doing halfway, running to the toilet and hogging a cubicle for a long time. I'm tired of people talking about me, hogging the cubicle, and not knowing that I'm going through hell. I'm very, very tired of having to stop my life because my chronic nose bleeds are predictably unpredictable (meaning, I know that it will happen, but I just don't know when). And most importantly, I'm tired of losing litres of blood. You are sucking me dry. I'm a woman and I assure You that I don't need to bleed both ways.

Please.

I beg You.

It has gotten to a point where I can't take it anymore. Things haven't been the same. I can't live my life the way I'm living it right now. I just can't skip my lectures because I know how stuffy and hot the lecture theatres are. I can't deal with another public humiliation. I just can't stay at home my entire life just so that the heat, dry air and whatever it may be wouldn't aggravate my blood vessel. I've only just turned 21 and there are many things out there that I've yet to see and appreciate.

I can't do this anymore. No one understands what I'm going through, not even You. I would give up something just so this problem can come to an end. I'm just too tired to cope with this.

So, please, please, please.

Exceptionalism

2009-09-14T17:25:00.003+10:00

The state of exception does not and should not just refer to the sovereign and his world.

PS: Kanye, you're the biggest douche bag ever! You're definitely not a gentleman. And Taylor, you rock my socks! :)

I Still Have To Love You

2009-09-10T19:52:00.004+10:00

Sometimes, I just want to tell mom everything. But telling mom everything won't help a tad at all.. she will ask me to resolve it with you and sometimes take side with you.

Thanks for ever believing in me and always writing in cards that I should always believe in my dreams and that you support me in whatever I do. Clearly, you've ruined it all for me for today by saying things like "Why do you even think about it?", "You better think carefully. Honours in your kind of thing is not easy." and "You're not just the only one.", and to show me that face that I don't belong anywhere. You should have been happy for me. Even if you weren't or aren't, you could just fake it.

Thanks for always demeaning me and firmly believing that everything I hope to achieve is rubbish. The only thing you know how to do is to bring me down all the time and make me think of myself as a foolish imbecile, despite saying the things you say in the former paragraph.

Remember, you only have me in this world.

If you still hadn't noticed, I cry to bed sometimes because of your degrading comments.

And regardless, I still love you because I'm obliged to.

Wake Up

2009-09-09T20:30:00.006+10:00

I've always wondered why certain people can be so ungrateful in life. I understand that life may be a wearing journey at times, but we all go through the same thing.

Why do you need to complain all the time? Why do you change your mind all the time after getting what you wished for? Why do you whine nonstop once you've gotten what you wanted? Have you no guilt at all? Your parents have given all they have got. Every family is different. Why do you need to sound so bratty and bitchy? Why did you even change? Everything will still be the same if you're here or elsewhere. Problems and dramas will follow you everywhere you go, no matter what, and life is all about learning to deal with them.

You may think your problem is different from everyone around, but hell no, honey. Everywhere is a hell hole. So if this place is so terrible and you wish not to live here, just disappear.

Has anyone told you how crude you can be most of the time? You can become so intolerable at most times and you don't even know how bad it gets. I've tried to talk things out with you, but you can never accept reality. Instead, you flock your arrogant feathers, become defensive, argue back and be in denial. How will you ever progress in live when all you do is whine? Have you even tried to sit down and listen to yourself? It's disgusting.

Here's the thing. You're always like that to everyone else. You have never allowed us to be your true friends, you have never accepted any suggestions (what more criticisms?) and most of all, you always think you're right and better than everyone else. You're wrong most of the time.

My initial plan was to lash out, but seriously, you're not worth my emotions anymore. I've tried. They have tried. We have tried. You're not all that and you're no better than them. I mean, I've given you so many chances to be more respectful and receptive towards others, including me, but clearly, you haven't. You're 21, my dear. It's really time to open your eyes and accept what comes your way. You should learn how to be thankful.

Have you ever wondered why your school friends left you and some still leaving you slowly?

Well, maybe here's a wake up call.

Certainty

2009-09-04T23:23:00.002+10:00

I know you visit my blog regularly.

So why can't you just say hi?

I miss you so much.

Do you?

2009-09-03T20:01:00.010+10:00

Do you know what it's like to have you on my buddies list and not talk to you for almost a year?

To have a fairly lousy conversation with you?

To see you converse with other people and not me?

To be labelled as your best friend and not feel like it at all?

To feel as if what we shared isn't good enough for you anymore?

To refrain myself from saying hi because I know nothing will change?

To readily believe that our friendship has ended and will never recover?

Do you know how much I miss you?

How much I want to be able to share things with you again?

No, you don't.

Kamikaze airplanes in the sky. Are we going down or will we fly?

2009-09-02T15:13:00.005+10:00

It's probably time for a proper post.

As much as it is Real that my mom and granny has gone home, photos of us during their visit has become my reality. A sentence that you fail comprehend, hey? It's alright, it took me six weeks to understand what my Terrorism lectures were all about (and mind you, I still don't understand most of what has been taught). Sorry, I might have side tracked a little.

It has been about a week since they left and I still can't find my ground. My room is still in a mess, I have yet to get used to my daily routine, the box that my mom brought over is still outside and unopened, and I'm still as slack as when they were here.

I guess the only box I've opened is my new camera box and my new phone box (but my mom took it back as it was faulty).

This camera is really clear and sharp when there's light, but when it's dark... photos become fuzzy and pixelated. Either my camera is lousy in that sense or I have yet to fully understand my camera. I'm pretty sure there's a night function, but we shall see.

A few days ago, I received a letter. From who?

I have to share this part with everyone.

And yes, I slept on the floor when my mom and granny was here. How can someone let their grandparents sleep on the floor? What's there to laugh at? I got this birthday card from JL. The only international gift I received for my absolutely "nieważne dziś jest" sad 21st.

I love you, my lovely bro! xoxo

2009-08-29T15:20:00.003+10:00

Thank You!

2009-08-27T23:30:00.003+10:00

Although nieważne dziś jest.

Photos can be viewed at In the Month of August.

Fear

2009-08-14T22:52:00.006+10:00

If you want to make me cry, just put a spider in front of me. Not only will I cry, I will die. That's how afraid I am of spiders.

As I walked towards my apartment's door, the first thing I noticed was a huge spider above the door. It was bigger than the Australian 50 cents and resembled a tarantula. The only thing that was different was the fact that the spider was brown in colour. Before I could get near the door, I walked six steps backwards. I paused. I looked around. I was overwhelmed by fear. I text my sister immediately, but she only replied minutes later. Then I tried to call Christine, no one answered. So I left her a text. The next person I called was Sheryl. She asked me to call the firemen because she heard me say "fire" instead of "spider". Of course, none of them could have done anything about the spider. I just felt the need to share my fear. I paced back and forth and swore that I'll never enter my apartment until my sister comes home. My neighbours passed by, but they wouldn't have thought that I was standing out there because I was afraid of the spider. And of course, I didn't have the guts to ask them for help. Time was ticking and it had been about 10 to 15 minutes since I stood outside of my apartment. So, I walked up and knocked on my Korean neighbour's door. I asked one of them for help and the other giggled. Yeah, funny. I COULD HAVE DIED (dramatic, much)! Thankfully, one of the Korean guys killed the spider for me. I was so, so relieved. It was literally me against the spider - and we all know that the spider won over me until it got... squished.

My sister isn't home yet. I could have been out there for hours.

Unfortunately, I am going to face more of them creatures soon as summer approaches. There will be lots of them swarming my bathroom and I can't wait to prepare myself for this.

How will I survive?

Stay tuned to find out if I will die.

Best of MIFF

2009-08-07T01:18:00.000+10:00

This Sunday will mark the end of the MIFF (Melbourne International Film Festival).

My sister and I watched our last film today at 7pm. Well, it was more of a compilation because it was called "Best MIFF Shorts", which simply means a variety of short films. Little did I know we were in a for a "treat" when no films were first shown, but instead, the spotlight attracted our eyes to a guy. We wasted our time watching the awards ceremony and it lasted for about 30-40 minutes. I mean, I paid $14 to watch short films and not to watch award winners walking back and forth.

With that said, the short films were nevertheless fantastic! If any of you have to chance to download them, make sure to get Two Men, Necessary Games, Slaves, Instead of Abracadabra, The Cat Piano, Next Floor.

You might want to leave out Necessary Games and maybe Next Floor, however. There's no storyline in Necessary Games except people playing with each other as a way to connect. In Next Floor, ritualistic gastronomic carnage leaves gluttonous guests with only one place left to go - down. Their heavy tummies and disgusting looking meals causes the floor they stand on to collapse. Soon, they just continue to collapse to the subsequent floors infinitely.

Chimay!

Disaster

2009-08-06T23:28:00.000+10:00

So, remember how I mentioned that my European Integration reader is really thin (or maybe I didn't)? I used to have, literally, one required reading per week. Unfortunately, my carefree soul was crushed into bits on Thursday at 10.30am when my tutor said, "I expect all of you to read every selected recommended reading on LMS to fully understand and participate." My heart sank immediately. Now, to top the cream, I have additional cherries to eat.

I understand, really. EU (European Union) is a cleverly crafted polity; yet, a very difficult polity to dissect. But it's really impossible to finish every reading. Plus, it's also contradicting how my lecturer and tutors say something along these lines, "I understand that there are a lot of readings to complete and that you have other readings from other subjects to do as well. It seems rather impossible to read every single thing. However, I do expect that you read everything so that you will participate in your tutorials and find the liking for the EU." Hypocritical to some extent? Indubitably.

Goodbye, social life! (Not that I have one to begin with..)

Well, I don't know what's worse. To vent about the amount of readings I have for a subject that I enjoy or to dislike a subject that I'm somewhat forced to take? I'm in some kind of dilemma.

I was looking forward to Terrorism, but evidently, the new lecturer has revamped the whole syllabus by stressing the importance of psychoanalysis. It used to be a true Political Science or International Studies subject, in which previous students actually dealt with the politics of terrorism. Too bad for me. It's all about reading in between the lines and trying to draw out information from the minds of terrorists. Seeing that my lecturer has a Criminology background, I believe that explains her obsession with psychoanalysis. Moreover, I don't fancy her lame sarcasm and her small, yet often, topic diversion at all. And might I add, her subtle way of over-expressing her thoughts by using vulgar words never fails to throw me aback. Talk about setting a good example, hey? Sometimes, I feel as though as I'm the rose among the thorns in a bad way. Thorns being the norm and rose being the foe. Everyone will laugh at her lame jokes, diversion and vulgarity, but I will sit there with no expression, feeling disgusted. To me, that's how terrible it is. Oh, she has a tattoo on her right arm too!

EI readings versus Terrorism disaster.

You pick.

I really love my last semester.

Life has so much more to offer.

2009-08-05T21:47:00.000+10:00

I need to find you.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2009-08-02T19:18:00.003+10:00

Remind me why I even tried, bitch.

No one knows what a person is about to say, so don't ever assume or decide what I was or am going to say before I even fucking say it.

Have you no decency at all? To even stoop that low in trashing me without any proof? I don't mind. I believe the world has eyes and everyone can see for themselves who is right and who isn't.

Good friend it seems, sensitive bitch.

I don't want to be mean, but I definitely want to be mean this very moment, all thanks to you and your repulsive mouth. You deserve to be lonely like you are right now. Serve you right.

I suggest you think before you speak next time and be less offensive from now on or you'll lose more friends in the process and probably lose their trust as well.

Very Tired

2009-07-31T11:48:00.003+10:00

Week 1 is over now.

Time flies.

At first, I thought Week 1 would be light and easy, just like every other semester. Evidently, I thought wrong. It's truly difficult to juggle work and Uni life. There is nothing to do during the first week of Uni and I'm doing volunteer work. What's so difficult right? Well, it is.

During breaks, I run to Oxfam to work. Finally, I don't really have to run back and forth from Uni to Oxfam and vice versa anymore. Yesterday we had the Pacific talk and it went pretty well, despite the fact that not all 190+ RSVPs showed up. So one event down! Ai Leen is freer!

Right after Uni, I ran straight to Oxfam and arrived slightly before 4pm. The weather was terrible and it started to rain. It wasn't cold at all, just wet. I wasn't being superstitious whatsoever, but I could sort of tell that the night wasn't going to be as smooth as planned. Earlier, Tom, my superivsor, called for a maxie cab, but a normal cab only arrived at 4.20pm. We had so much equipments that I had to wait for another cab, alone. I waited and waited for almost an hour for a cab to arrive and the poor receptionist, Talia, called for "4 f***ing times" (in her words). So I asked Grant to give me a ride, but he had to wait for his daughter to come. Then Grant helped me ask Bruce to give me a ride. It was really awkward when I was in Bruce's car 'cause I didn't know what to talk to him about and mind you, Bruce is the Head of Campaigns in Oxfam!

Bruce was so nice! I mean, he parked in a no standing zone and when I told him, he said, "Ah, let's not worry about that, ok? *smiled*" Do you know how much it would cost him if a police checked his car with a chalk? A few hundred dollars! But he knew that I was running late all thanks to the dumb cabbies.

After setting up, people started to arrive. I started to ask (force, actually - joking) the people around to sign the Climate Change Petition. Oh my God, the Tasmania's Oxfam Campaigns Coordinator recognised me because of my interview with Oxfam and she introduced me to her friend. She said, "Oh, so you're all famous now, isn't it?" Haha, it was so fun! It was fun in general. I approached a variety of people who are genuinely concerned about climate change and are doing their part in combating the global crisis. I also worked with a fantastic bunch of volunteers.

Reached home around 9ish-10pm after dropping everything back at Oxfam. Walked to KFC to buy a snack box for my lunch and dinner. Yes, my life is sad. I had a tiny meal for 2 meals!

I woke up at 9am and I'm still tired.

Funday Mondays

2009-07-27T16:52:00.003+10:00

Today, I actually made the effort to wake up 2 hours earlier and to prepare for my first lecture. I had a relatively good breakfast - two slices of toast and a cup of Earl Grey - before heading off to Uni. I walked to Uni feeling surprisingly good and was looking forward to my first lecture. Well, maybe because I was wearing my new Peter Alexander top (it's actually jammies, but it's too nice to be jammies, you know?). I thought I was going to be late, so I didn't drop of my CV at Pronto's Pizza. And because Uni is undergoing renovation and construction, I had to make a big detour to get to my lecture theatre. No chance of making a stop!

I walked into the lecture theatre feeling lonely as usual, with no one to sit with and even talk to. So, I thought, "Hey! I could sit at a spot where Melissa could see me." Melissa and I volunteered together in the Welcome Centre. Unfortunately, she came in just before lecture started and headed right to the back to sit with her friend. So, I was alone. But nevermind that, I actually enjoy being alone during lectures because I can concentrate more.

My first and only (tutorials begin next week) class of the day was Development and the Third World. Dr. Salim Lakha was very intriguing, despite his age. I think I'm going to enjoy this subject for the rest of the semester! Before class started, while I was sitting alone, I felt a little weird and lost in Uni. It's the feeling that the new transition students have. Having just ended my Winter break, I felt as though everything was anew. When I took out my lecture pad, I couldn't help, but wonder how it felt like when I attended my first class in my first year. Ah, I was a little nostalgic. But soon, when Salim delivered his first sentence, everything became familiar again. The warm and cozy sensation made me feel that everything will be alright.

After taking heaps of notes for the 2-hour lecture, Melissa and I finally met. We went to IC's meeting room to pick up our certificates, book vouchers and free pizzas! During the little thank-you meeting, Melissa brought my attention to our essay questions. Wow, much! Thanks to her, I'm actually doing preliminary research on a question: "Is globalisation a threat to state sovereignty? Discuss." We are only given two questions. The other question is, "Are large infrastructure projects compativle with development? Discuss." Until I get hold of what "large infrastructure" means in the context of the question, I believe I'll be answering the former question. Both are a little (very, actually) tough, but oh well...

Anyhoo, after the thank-you meeting, I headed straight to the bookroom to get my books. I spent a good 40 minutes there because of the terribly long queue! I need to stress that I'm absolutely happy because I got to use my $80 book voucher, which helped me save a lot (my parents' money, that is)! All four of my readers were $128.85 and that made my heart jump a little. With my book voucher, I only coughed up $48.85! How can you be unhappy, right? The sad part is.. I have a lot to read this semester. Fret not, I'll try to read everything. It's gonna be a tough semester, but I'll get through it. Somehow.

Now, I'm going to continue with my research and probably start on my weekly readings.

Hello, last semester!

The Road to Graduation

2009-07-26T13:01:00.004+10:00

Tomorrow will be Monday.

I'm nervous.

Where did my Winter break go?

My last semester of my final year will begin tomorrow at 11.00 am. Filled with mixed emotions, I don't know what to expect anymore. Should I be excited? Or should I dread what's coming for me? I have been in Uni for 2.5 years and every semester is a different journey. I found myself doing progressively well for a new transition student during the first year. Then, later, I did well, scoring my first few high distinctions in my second year. And now, I find myself struggling, barely making it. I don't know what to expect on the next roller coaster ride anymore. Up and down, up and down, never getting it right.

Arts is nothing like Commerce, Law, Marketing, or Finance. Many people think of an Arts degree as a general useless degree. Mind you, we Arts students are what the world is now - politics and environment. Arts is difficult; yet, it is the unknown. I have honed my research skills and communication skills, but none of that have done me any justice. Sometimes, I wonder if I really deserve those high distinctions. How can you do so well in one subject and do so badly in another, seeing how they are under the same major with the same requirements? That, I will never understand. Not even after I graduate.

I was never a bright student in school. But when reality struck, I picked up my pieces and started performing well. Who would have thought that I would graduate at the top of the pack in college? Slowly, I grew out of my shell. It is safe to say that I'm a pretty smart student now. I've done things many have yet to do. Who would embark on a journey, passionate about the environment, passionate about making a difference?

So, you tell me.

Should I keep my head held high?

I Could Make My Own Honey

2009-07-25T22:01:00.006+10:00

What really defines me now is Zee Avi's Honey Bee.

"I am a honey bee, shun out from the colony and
they wont let me in. So I left the hive, they took away all my
stripes and broke off both my wings."

Abandoned; have always been and will always be.

That's just how my life is.

Seriously

2009-07-22T18:53:00.002+10:00

Since the 15th of July, I've been trying to swap 2 of my classes. I'm not complaining, really. I have Wednesdays and Fridays free, which is pretty good. My Thursdays are packed, back-to-back! But that's just how it is, you have to give up something to get another thing. The problem is the location for 2 of my tutorials on Mondays. It's one after the other, but I have to complete a usual 10 minute walk in less than 5 minutes. This means I have to put on my athletic self and run. For me to run during Winter is alright, but to run during Summer means I'd get frequent nose bleeds.

No one is willing to swap classes with me, so I've sent an email to the people in charge, informing them about my nose bleeds. I even mentioned that I can send a scanned copy of my doctor's letter if they need it. To prove that I'm not lying and I really need those slots, I'll go all out to get it. If I have to provide them with my doctor's phone number, I'll do it. If they still won't do the swap for me and want to make me bleed to death, I could just be the impossible and bring it up to the Dean. *evil laughs* But hey, it's true alright!

Be understanding. That's what the world needs.

Stubborn, stubborn.

I'm definitely not looking forward to next week. It's gonna be the best roller coaster ride!

Title-less?

2009-07-20T17:37:00.003+10:00

Today marks the beginning of OWeek!

As a kind and loving student *coughs*, I decided to volunteer for the Welcome Centre (WC) weeks ago and successfully passed the interview and training sessions. And today, it was my first full on shift. I started at 9am and I stopped at 11am for an hour's break. Then I went back to WC and continued until 4pm (actually, I went back at 11.30am because I had nothing to do). It was tiring and I'm burned. I had to talk to a lot of people and I stood all day. Don't get me wrong, however. I really enjoyed it! I'm practicing my people communication skills for professional interviews (yeah right). One thing that I hated about WC and will probably continue to hate is the fact that that horrible place has no AC or ventilation. I was literally melting in there with the disgusting bright orange scarf they (ISS people) make us wear! It was supposed to be a OWeek t-shirt, but they decided to give us scarfs. Hello? Is it even cold in any buildings? No.

Another thing that never fails to amaze me is the amount of parents. Oh wow. Those "kids" are grown up students, they don't need parents to tag along. My parents never even followed me to kinddy and primary school. But of course, I wanted to go alone. I didn't need my parents to walk me to class. How embarassing! This is my personal opinion, so hush.

I don't even know how to end this thing anymore. Haha. Toodles?

I got to go into Oxfam tomorrow at 10.30am!! As if today wasn't tiring enough.. then I have 2 more shifts on Wednesday and Thursday. I don't even have time for myself! How am I going to buy my readers?

Life. Oh, so dramatic!

It's Done!

2009-07-19T23:41:00.001+10:00

Omg, omg, omg!

What do you think about my edited layout? I didn't do much. I honestly have no time to sit down and think of a new design, so I thought that I should do something to it.

Is my Twitter bird cute? I created it myself!

I only changed the fonts for my header image and sidebar headers, added the grey strip for the sidebar, changed the font colour for links, created the new pages icons, changed some of the sidebar header titles..

Which do you prefer? The previous one or this one?

Aiyah, they are the same lah!

In Pieces

2009-07-18T18:45:00.000+10:00

You're in my air
Every breath that I take, can't escape
Oooh, everywhere I go
I feel your stare, like you're there
Can't you see I'm scattered

Like memories from the past

Shattered, like a bullet through glass

I'm in pieces of what might have been
Every night I'm spending sleepless
Smoking cigarettes till 3 AM in an empty bed
And I can't get you out of my head

'Cause you burnt your name into my heart
Where it's scarred, I can't erase you from me
Your soul to mine intertwined
You cut the light and I'm drifting
Holding onto the past
Memories, like a bullet through glass

I'm in pieces of what might have been
Every night I'm spending sleepless
Smoking cigarettes till 3 AM in an empty bed
And I can't get you out of my head

Out of my head, out my life
Out of my dreams
Broken emotion
You left me in pieces

- Shannon Noll

More Than One

2009-07-17T16:48:00.000+10:00

Second celebration in The Chophouse. The most disgusting steak (short ribs) I had was from that yucky place and it was the worse meal ever. My ribs was exactly how the texture is like when you soak tissue papers in water and tear them apart thereafter. It was supposedly served with homemade barbecue sauce, but it was just sweetness. The other dishes were.. equally disgusting.

After, we headed for Comme for drinks.
Fin.

A message to Prime Minister Kevin Rudd

2009-07-17T15:05:00.002+10:00

Click to enlarge.

If you care as much as I do about climate change, log on to PM Rudd's new climate change blog and share your ideas with him at Focus On Climate Change.

A Quarter of A Century

2009-07-16T23:59:00.001+10:00

We went to Cumulus Inc. (again) to celebrate my sister's 25th birthday! I believe that we (my sister and I) are never going to get sick of it. We've been in and out out that place for about 6 times in less than 2 months and people there have already remembered us. But that's not the point.

Happy Birthday! xoxo

If I Can, I Would

2009-07-15T13:09:00.000+10:00

I haven't been creating and designing much.

Time to stretch my artsy mind before it gets rusty.

But I really miss playing volleyball.

I don't mind the Mikasa MVA200 for my birthday.

The Climb

2009-07-14T13:02:00.003+10:00

"There's always gonna be another mountain,
I'm always gonna wanna make it move,
Always gonna be a uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side,
It's the climb."

- Miley Cyrus

So Messed Up!

2009-07-13T17:37:00.003+10:00

The current situation of my room resembles what I am now: messy.

Just two more weeks before my last semester starts and then I'm graduating, entering the working world. As far as my Winter break is concerned, I'm not ready to enter the working world, alright. I haven't been able to look for a casual job over the past 2 weeks, what makes me or anyone think that I'll be able to look for a professional job after I graduate?

I have to get my permanent residency application all sorted out before my semester starts because believe me, it's going to be the worst roller coaster ride of my whole Uni life. Unfortunately, I'm still lost in the world of application. I have registered for my IELTS test, but I'm unsure of how sponsorship works. After having my documents certified by the Justice of Peace, do I scan and upload all my documents online? (D'oh!) But how? Getting my documents sighted doesn't mean anything. How am I going to get my police check from back home when I'm phyiscally here?

I'm so.. confused!

And the migration lawyer... just wants money. Thousands of dollars.

Warning: Excessive Anger

2009-06-26T11:04:00.004+10:00

Since 9am, I've been waking up every 15 minutes. Right until now, I have given up on trying to go back to sleep. Hence, I'm up and blogging my anger away.

My housemate has been home for almost 4 days now, just because of a little cough. He hasn't gone to work and he's been hogging the couch and television for almost 96 hours. I'm almost losing my mind! Having him home for 4 days is like having a very extreme brat for 4 days. He wakes up early, concocts breakfast meals while making lots of noises with the pots, pans, microwave, switches, and whatever you can find in the small kitchen we have. To top things, he walks like he is 150kg - thumps, thumps, thumps - and blasts the television to the highest possible volume.

So, today, he woke up around 8ish-9am and did the same thing (minus the television - I'm surprised it's so soft). I messaged my sister telling her how annoyed I am and she told me to tell him. Thing is, I've been telling him how loud he has been ever since he moved in here, but he hasn't done anything. Even my sister can't stand his loudness, but because she's always back late from work and she needs break time, she doesn't really tell him anything. So, I have to be the bad person. Period.

I walked out and I told him nicely. OMFG, HOW DARE THAT ****TARD ANSWER ME RUDELY! He was like, "Seriously. I've been trying. I realised you're just too sensitive. Why not you do something on your side? Like use the thing and put into your ears? Seriously".

****er, you did not just imply that it was and has been my ****ing fault!

Firstly, he has not move an inch in the "trying" progress. The slamming of kitchen utensils remain, the slamming of the grill door at unGodly hours remain, the slamming of the toilet door remains, the blasting of the televesion remains. What part doesn't he get that he is not trying a ****ing tad?!

Secondly, I am not sensitive. I told him that I've never had any problems with my previous housemates (and I said, "Oh please don't take any offence. I'm just letting you know".) So clearly, it's him who is being insensitive. Dammit! My previous housemate, Lavi the Lovely, did not make any noises like he does. She was like us: considerate. Plus, just because I'm the only one who always tells him that he is loud, does not imply that I'm the only one who thinks of him this way. My sister thinks the same too! He always slams the grill door when my sister is in the progress of sleeping and God forbid, she ****ing wakes up at 6am to get to work! Can't he be a ****ing considerate housemate?! And trust me, he is deaf. Period.

Thirdly, don't give me no attitude while talking to me, ****er. You're no one to me, no one. Put something into my ears just so you can make more noise?? Seriously? Where is his Goddamn brains, for heaven sake! Last night, my sister and I came home from dinner with Shireen and Sian Siew. All "close" friends of my housemate. As soon as I opened the main door, we were thrown back by Transformers. It was so loud that we felt as though we were in the movie! The four of us had to shout so loud to talk to each other, but that ****er did not get the point. At this point, I think I might take up his suggestion and shove something in my ears... Because I don't want to become deaf like him.

Fourthly, I had to be so bloody nice to him just so things won't be awkward since I have to ****ing face him for another half a year! As if things aren't awkward enough. Seriously. I had to make myself seem not irritating to him, so I suggested Manuka honey for his Goddamn irrtating-ass cough. Since 9am, he's been out in the living room coughing every 2 minutes. Bloody hell, cough in your Goddam room please! I don't want to fall ill because of him! I also had to talk to him about Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett just to make things less awkward (yeah no, they didn't help). Rest in peace.

Fifthly, I just want to lock his room door so that he doesn't have to open it! He has been leaving his room door open to air, but he's so stupid! He doesn't allow me to open the balcony and main doors to air the house, how the hell is the air gonna circulate and therefore air his room? He doesn't even open his room window. All the dirty/germicide air from his room remains in his room and also goes out to our living room. He's reason for not allowing me to open the doors is, "Because I'm sick". Omfg! He's the new Paris Hilton.

Sorry, that I used thy God's name in vain and for all the ****er/tard/ing!

Just kill me. Kill me already!! I can't take this anymore! I've been so patient, but my patience isn't doing me any good! Dear Lord, help meeeee!

KNNCB!

2009-06-25T15:42:00.003+10:00

My idiotic son of a ***** housemate scratched my brand new virgin and old boots!

Goddamit!

I'm fine with my old boots because it's old, but my new one?!?! Is he that ****ing blind and inconsiderate?? The stupid clothes line mark is on my boots, you son of a *****! I seriously don't understand why there are such people on this planet! Blind, deaf and inconsiderate! Is it that difficult to just lift my boots up and move it away without scratching them?

I'm so gonna drench his stinky ass shoes with ketchup and vinegar!

He's gonna get it before I kick him out from this house!

P/S: I don't even know what my title stands for. I used it because I hear people say it when they are angry..

Winter Breaks In

2009-06-23T23:27:00.002+10:00

Hullo.

Partay!

2009-06-20T23:40:00.002+10:00

Despite being on my Winter break now, I've been waking up pretty early, usually before 11am. Sad, isn't it? But it's alright.

I went for Shezzie's Wonderland 21st party today. As the previous sentence suggests, we celebrated her birthday at Wonderland Park, Harbour Town, Docklands. The main part of the party was ice skating. It has been about 10 years since I last skated in Pyramid's ice rink, but I tried. It was fun, really. But it wasn't that fun after awhile because I developed a blister, which turned into an open wound.

Anyway, here are some photos of the night:

It's not exactly Shezzie's birthday, but because she's leaving in a few days time and will be back after her real birthday, she decided to celebrate with her friends here.

I had fun, really. I loved the skating part (except the open wound and smelly skates) and the cake! I could just buy my own cake right? I know where she got it from: my all-time favourite Maxim's! :)

More photos at Sheryl's Wonderland 21st.

Life, Life, Life.

2009-06-18T02:08:00.001+10:00

As much as I would like to admit that I have somewhat abandoned my blog, I have returned and proved otherwise. Forgive me for my long absence for this past month has been of ongoing disappointments. Although I would like to scatter and roam freely, I haven't truly been emancipated, yet. I have roughly 4 weeks to mull over my current life.. to figure if I'm walking on the right track or if I should walk the road not taken.

My last day of my first semester and I finished it with a bang. Veda and I finished at 4.15pm and we met up with Shez right after to "celebrate". I wasn't in a celebrating mood, but it was a good way of ending my last day of my first terrifying and terrible semester. We walked around, had dinner at J Cafe and watched The Proposal. I loved it.

Life's really not that bad, hey?

I'll just cry when my results come out on the 9th of July.

Perfect

2009-06-17T15:03:00.003+10:00

"A girl will never forget the first boy she likes, even if things don't quite work out. But usually, someone is there to offer words of wisdom... And there it is. That's the beginning of our problem. Do you know what this means? We are encouraged, no, programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk, that means he likes you. Why do we say this stuff to each other? Is it possible that it's because we're too scared and it's too hard to say that one obvious truth that is staring everyone in the face?"

"He's just not that into you."

2009-06-12T00:39:00.004+10:00

Happy 21st Birthday, Trina!

Happy 21st Birthday, Stringer!

Trina, all the best for your papers! It's your special day, you're gonna pass with flying colours! Muchos love for you two!

2009-06-11T16:52:00.000+10:00

Happy 21st Birthday, Bernie!

Enjoy yourself today, little one!

Dear Believers,

2009-06-05T22:13:00.006+10:00

Happy World Environment Day!

Be sure to contribute towards saving our planet.

Watch Home, an eye-opening environmental film for climate change deniers, produced by the infamous Yann Arthurs-Bertrand.
(...although the process of making this film has contradicted the purpose of this film. The amount of flying needed to capture great shots and footage and the amount of unnecessary money spent on high-tech equipments are just what the planet really needs.)

You

2009-06-04T22:09:00.005+10:00

I typed out a whole chunk of words, but I deleted everything.

I just have one question.

Why do you keep coming back after everything that has happened?

Please stop, leave me alone. I can't go through what I've been through for another time. I can't do this. No, I can't. You always come back and leave abruptly. You either stay and stick or leave and never come back.

Give Me A Reason

2009-06-01T22:06:00.002+10:00

Why?

Why is it so hard to focus this time around?

Why can't I just write my essays like I used to in my first and second years?

I just can't do that anymore. I've been writing most of my essays two days before the due dates and I have the concentration span of a 5-year old child. I am able to sit in front of my laptop doing nothing, but I can't bring myself to write my essays. I rather bake in this cold climate knowing that my mixture will harden, but I can't bring myself to write my essays. I am capable of clicking through links that I've clicked previously and bore myself further, but I still can't bring myself to write my essays.

What has happened to me?

Despite the fact that I've been writing my essays in just two days, I still put in a lot of effort and hard work, the same amount as my second year. I don't know how and why, but I haven't been getting good results (except for those two unexpected distinctions).

I almost failed my Australian Foreign Relations, which is 50% towards my final mark. The other 50% is going to be taken from my 2-hour examination on the 18th of June. What do I foresee? I'm either going get a P (pass) or I'm going to fail. If I couldn't even get a H3 for my 50% essay, in which I was able to plan, research and write in my own time, how am I going to write three essays in 2-hours with memorised sources in my head? I can't write essays on the spot with added pressure, you know. I have yet to start my revision for this 'failed' subject. I really have no interest in Australian politics, but I signed up for this because firstly, I had no choice since Melbourne University decided to remove 10 subjects out of 13 from International Studies. And secondly, I had to take it just to know a little more about Australian politics.

Then there's my Geomorphology subject. My first essay, I did well, but it's worth 25% - so it doesn't do much justice to my overall mark. Then I handed in a field report, which I wrote over a day and two nights. I just simply couldn't grasp what I was supposed to do. I understood the field trip, but I couldn't put my understanding into words. I don't know how I did, I'm still waiting for it to be returned. I have an exam on the 9th of June and like the former subject, I have yet to revise. Although this subject is classified as a 'less failed' subject, I still have so much to do in order to receive a H3 or higher.

Sigh.

Then there's my Society and Environments subject. I still don't understand why I did so badly in my zoo report and my stupid lecturer hasn't answered me regarding my appointment with him. I spent a great deal of time for my report and I know it's better than what I received. It has been 3 weeks now and my patience is running low. I have my essay due this Thursday (4th) and I only have 94 words, inclusive of directional headings such as "introduction", "thesis", "body", and "conclusion". I can't really find sources because my mind is not with me. Am I dead or what?

Today, I received my take home exam questions for Sustainable Development. We have a week to write this exam and I honestly want a high distinction so badly. Dear Lord, this is where I want to head to after graduation! I poured all my effort into my 3000-words essay on climate change and managed to pull off a distinction, but it's not enough. How am I going to get a H1? I really don't know. I have this to think about and the Society and Environments essay too.

Sigh.

What happened?

Where's my motivation? Have I lost it?

Life.

2009-05-31T13:36:00.000+10:00

Every minute is borrowed time.

What Do I Do Now?

2009-05-21T12:36:00.004+10:00

Things haven't been well.

The amount of effort that I put into my education hasn't paid off. My marks have been, so far, below average - I don't even have the capacity to explain this sudden change. It is so disappointing that I can't even cry anymore. I don't know how to unmasked what I've masked. What I have done has gone to waste.

This year hasn't been good.

I have been really patient living in this household with a stranger. I haven't done anything inappropriate and haven't been temperamental about anything that he's done wrong. I just bury my emotions in me because my sister believes she's the boss of me. I have no one to talk to, no where to go.

This year hasn't been good.

I seem to have lost myself. Who would have thought that my third year here would be so bad? I'm a miserable and emotionally wrecked 21-year old girl. Clueless about life, lost in the woods with no where to go.

I have buried myself six feet under and my cries continues to be unheeded.

Climate Change Human Sign 2009

2009-05-17T23:17:00.004+10:00

Today's Climate Change Human Sign was a success!

Photo by Aerofoto

For photos: Climate Change Human Sign 2009

Update soon!

Race to the Finale

2009-05-16T21:45:00.003+10:00

Who would have thought that T. R. Knight wanted out as well?

I managed to download Grey's Anatomy's 2-hour season finale right after it was uploaded onto the net. It was up last night, but because there was and are so many people leeching off it, it finished downloading in the afternoon today. Yes, I waited and waited for it to be uploaded, seeing how I'm (almost) one day ahead of America. Not forgetting the fact that it takes at least 1 to 2 days to rip an episode off the television, change the format and upload it onto the internet.

As many would have expected, Izzie was going to die and she did. If no one got this, "Rhimes to give Izzie cancer", then it's quite sad that you don't have the ability to read between the lines. But that's not really the point, is it? Eversince they, Heigl and Kelly, got married, Heigl wanted out. So, ok. I get that - happy life, family, children, and all that jazz.. And if I'm not wrong, Heigl had some problem with her contract. No one knew that Knight wanted out as well. Even Rhimes had no idea of his intention!

George was "killed" by a bus because he tried to save a lady. The bus knocked him, ran over and dragged him. His skull was... I won't even mention it. At first, I couldn't piece the puzzle. Then, when Meredith sounded "007", it clicked right away! It made sense. George went missing for a tad towards the end of the second hour and when the Chief said that he allowed George to take the whole day off, it really made sense!

Sigh.. It was so tragic. So sad! So very intense! I can't wait for the next season where Meredith and Derek realises that happy endings in marriages doesn't exist.

Although this finale had a sharp twist at the end, I still like "What A Difference A Day Makes" better.

Hi Ho!

2009-05-14T18:21:00.004+10:00

I.... work, work, work, work, work, work, work, I work the whole day long.

After tutorial, I headed straight to ACF to work. As much as I wanted to take my time in walking to ACF, I was already a tiny weeny bit late. Logically speaking, I can't finish my class at 11am and be at the office at 11am. Right? But anyway, I made it there in 15 minutes. Just so everyone is clear, the walk from Uni to ACF is quite a stretch.

I sat down opposite Alison, waiting for the IT people to provide me with a username. As I waited patiently for my username and while doing my usual tasks using Alison's domain, my nose decided to bleed. I made a dash for the toilet and bled away. I was stuck in the smelly cubicle for more than 10 minutes and I bet my "colleagues" (I don't know any of them except four) wondered what I was doing in there. When I returned to my desk, the IT dude and Alison was sorting out some stuff on my designated computer. I felt so bad for being away so long, but I didn't explain why.

Finally! I got my own username and email account. Volunteers do not get usernames and email accounts, but I'm so special you see! I need a username so that I can reply to the emails under the Who on Earth Cares account and I can't use Alison's account because it's "private". This is so cool! As soon as I got my own account, I started replying to emails and gosh, there are so many hate mails. Sometimes I don't even understand why hate mails exist! For the simple fact that no one forced those "haters" to subscribe to ACF's newsletters or join WOEC. So why can't those "haters" email us politely asking to be unsubscribed? Facing those very "grr" emails, I finished at about 3.15ish pm and by that time, I wasn't even hungry anymore (I didn't eat brekkie 'cause I woke up late for class).

I walked to 221 just to check if my Zoo report is there.. but sadly, no. Sigh.. so I went back to Uni to buy myself a bubble tea (to cool my nose) and a large vegetarian fried rice. I'm so hungry right now that I'm actually finishing my rice! My mini brownies are waiting for me. Oh yes, I baked mini cupcake brownies after I came home.

I think I can eat a full grown cow.

Do or Die

2009-05-13T17:00:00.003+10:00

There are so many things out there that are inexplicable.

I decided to hide under my comfortable quilt and skip my Sustainable Development lecture at 12pm. I got out of bed at 11am and prepared for my next class at 1pm. Headed to Union House to get bubble tea and a wrap, and unconsciously walked into the building where my Sustainable Development lectures are held. As I passed the lecture hall, I checked my watch and realised that it wasn't even 12pm. So I peeped inside the hall to check if it was the right class and it obviously was (doh). Since I was already there, I attended lecture. I've been thinking about it and I still don't understand how I got there on time, despite the fact that I woke up an hour before lecture (I usually wake up 1.5-2 hours before the first class) and took my own sweet time in walking to Uni and buying brunch.

And now, I can't explain why my eyelids feel so heavy when I slept not just very well, but very long too. Because of my tiredness (I've been like that for about a week), I haven't done any Uni work since Saturday and I'm practically digging my own grave. I'm already 3 feet under and I can't wait to be 6 feet under!

Then, I can't explain why my Society and Environments lecturer can take more than 4 weeks to mark my Zoo report. It's an unwritten Uni policy where students will get their assessment pieces back in 2 weeks from the due dates. Some students have gotten back their reports, but Fraser (the lecturer) found a stack of 40 unmarked Zoo reports yesterday. WTF? I don't really care if he's wife is due today. He needs to set his personal and professional life apart. I need to know how I did in this assessment so that I can set the standard for the following assessment, which is coming up very (very!) soon. I'm gonna fail this piece of assessment now because I'm criticising him behind his back (dammit).

Lastly, I can't explain why I don't understand Australian Foreign Relations! I engage with my weekly readings and nothing seems to digest. One thing is for sure, I took this subject not by choice, but because my Uni decided to remove 10 out of 13 subjects from my International Studies major. Thus, I'm stuck with this horrible subject. I did really badly for my first assessments (worth 50%) and I'll be lucky if I don't fail this subject as a whole. I have a 2-hour exam (the other 50%) in which I have to write 3 effing essays. How am I suppose to remember everything that I'm not interested in and that I was forced into doing?

I'm starting to hate my life again.

CLIMATE CHANGE - OUR FUTURE IS IN YOUR HANDS

2009-05-12T17:09:00.003+10:00

Over 5000 people have RSVPed to be in the Human Sign. If you're reading this and you are in Victoria, please participate. If the devastating effects of climate change can't persuade governments to act, I believe this sign can make a statement and make the governments somehow obliged to do something. This may seem trivial, but baby steps will change our lives. We need not just government actions, but individual actions as well.

Come rain, come shine, this event will still continue. So come along, bring your wet weather apparels, and have some fun while voicing your concern about climate change.

If any of you (my friends) are going, let me know!

Journey To The Past

2009-05-09T00:12:00.003+10:00

How can you be so close to someone for a year and become distant thereafter?

How can you be so cold?

How can you forget me?

How can you treat me like that?

How can you not drop me a simple message?

Worst of all, I still care for you despite everything. I lay in bed wondering if you are doing fine, wondering if you are coping well over there. I have the urge to talk to call you, message you, text you. But I have come to realise that no matter how persistent I am in trying to maintain our "good" friendship, you will never put in the same amount of effort that I have over the years.

If I could ask you one question before I die..

Why?

Help me understand.

Masked

2009-05-07T21:13:00.003+10:00

Sometimes, I believe that I deserve the best actor award.

Words of comfort will not help, a fun company will not help - all I'm masking, all that's hurting, all the misery. I wish this was easy. If I could brush it aside, hide it in my drawer or bury it six feet under, I would be normal or happy.. genuinely.

Nevertheless, we all know that everything is glossed..

.. full with uncertainty.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to collapse, I wanted to scream. But I had to be strong. I had to appear alright, to be happy and cheerful, for as long as they were here. Now that my sister's friends are gone, I can't seem to be the melancholic me that I was.

Have I masked the pain so much that I have forgotten how it felt like? Or am I just persistently denying the pain?

Everything. Everything is so messed up. How can there be two extremities in life? How can something be so good and the other so bad? How can you be so good at something and be so bad at another? How can a day be so good and the next so bad?

How come there's no balance in life?

Underneath this smile, my world is slowly caving in.

Underneath This Smile

2009-05-06T18:51:00.005+10:00

What happens when the world caves on you?

What happens when you sink?

Do you run?

Do you hide?

Do you hang on?

Or do you stand strong?

"Underneath this smile, my world is slowly caving in.

All the while, I'm hanging on instead of letting go.
Could you be the one to save me from every
bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles, underneath this smile."

- Hilary Duff

Dead

2009-05-03T20:00:00.003+10:00

I just came back from my Geomorphology field trip.

I have never been this tired before on a Uni weekend.

I have 2 huge-ass blisters that are giving me a slow and painful death (they are slight above my heels, so you get it..).

I have yet to complete my essay that is due tomorrow.

Uni sucks.

So Lonely

2009-05-02T14:14:00.003+10:00

While my sister is on a short weekend trip with her school buddies, I'm stuck at home because of my essay. (They are currently on the way to Mornington! Damn!)

I'm very tired.

Last night, they came over for steamboat, together with Short Bean. A hot, hot meal on a cold night was just, "aaahh", you know? During the first round of steamboat, Roms said she felt like eating desert.. so I suggested that I make brownies since I was gonna make it later for my field trip tomorrow. So I made the first batch of brownies during dinner. Then I made 2 more batches after dinner 'cause I thought they would wanna bring it for their trip and they did. Yummy! I think I'm a brownieholic! I always make brownies and I never get tired of making them (even eating them).

I cleaned up after dinner. My sister did a bit of cleaning and after that, everyone went into my sister's tiny room to talk. I carried on with the dishes 'cause hey, how often do friends come over to visit? Afterall, they are all my sister's good friends and I grew up with them.. let them have some fun since they are over for just a while. I'm such a nice sister!

I woke up at about 11 today, but I'm still really tired from last night. I'm not complaining, I had fun. While chatting with Sheryl, I realised I have nothing at home to make lunch for tomorrow! So I headed to IGA and bought stuff. Came back and I made more brownies so that Sheryl can have some tomorrow. (I need to share fats with my friends - sharing is caring!) I'm going to make some egg sandwich for tomorrow and hopefully, that will be enough to last me for the whole day! I'm not looking forward to the field trip.

On the brighter side of things, the Swine flu vaccine will be out soon! The doctor I consulted yesterday in the evening said that it would be out in about 2-4 weeks time! He suggested to take the normal flu vaccine first, so I did. And I'll probably take the Swine flu vaccine later if the situation worsens here.

Sigh, I'm going to complete my essay now and have a lonely weekend!

Swine Ain't Fine!

2009-05-01T12:30:00.005+10:00

Paranoia, fear, terror, unease, panic, apprehensive - you name it!

Swine flu isn't a joke anymore. A few hours ago, the Australian government stated that we should stock up our essentials for at least 14 days. Food and water, household essentials and more importantly health essentials such as analgesics, masks, gloves, thermometers, disinfectants, and prescription medications! This is a precautionary step everyone must make.

I can't take it. If you know me well enough, I'm the most paranoid person you'll ever meet or have ever met!

114 Australians have been confirmed negative of the Swine flu, but only because the incubation period takes at least 2 days.. WHO has declared this pandemic as Phase 5 and one must note that the WHO has never declared anything more than a Phase 4 - so this is serious! Mexican schools have been closed nationwide and some schools in the US as well.

"The plan predicts that a severe pandemic could infect 10 per cent of Australians and kill 250,000 people over seven to 10 months."

We are encouraged to stay at home for months until either a vaccine for this strand of virus has been found or until this pandemic ends (which is likely to be never)! I'm the kind of girl who stays at home almost all the time, but I have to go out to Uni and not forgetting the field trip on Sunday.. call me paranoid, I'm just afraid. Aren't any of you afraid?

My nose has been runny for months, since I came back here, and when I woke up today, it just got worse. My nose is blocked and my eyes feel like they underwent water retention.. Plus, I think I have fever. All of which are symptoms of flu and possibly Swine flu! WTF!

I'm going to consult the doctor later in the afternoon and bombard him with questions. Hopefully, I'll get the response that I'm expecting because, trust me, Australian doctors are clueless! If a seasonal flu vaccine is needed, I'm so going to get it!

To my friends who are all over Australia, NZ, UK, and US, be prepared and take care of yourselves! The WHO has already warned Southern countries to be more prepared because we're almost in our Winter months now and because of that, we're more susceptible!

P/S: JLo, NZ has already confirmed 2 cases of Swine flu! Please take care of yourself!! You always have runny nose! I can't seem to message you and you're not online! Natt, Vi and Bobby, take care of yourselves too!

C.. cccoo.. lllldddd

2009-04-30T13:41:00.004+10:00

Maybe it won't remain at 6°C afterall.

It dropped to 3°C late last night/early morning.

My right calf received lovely cramps late last night because I tried to stretch while I was a little ("little" might be an understatement) frozen. Great. Until now, my right calf still hurts. Werribee had frosts at the temperature of 0°C, wow! I'm going to freeze to death on Sunday when I go for my field trip there and to Parwan Valley! Awesome! I think it's a Uni tradition to torture students.

Bring in more Antarctic blast! I can handle it!

I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to this field trip. We'll see!

So I've conquered one of my hurdles today, the nasty Trade and Environment presentation. It was so bad because I'm not a public speaker - I get very nervous and have butterflies in my stomach. I always run over my words, stutter or speak incoherently. Plus, everyone was just starrriinnggg!! At me! Tam did great, she wasn't nervous at all though she claimed she was. (The funny thing is that I felt as though this girl, Amelia, had something against me. Hello, I was just presenting the points that were designed by academics! If you don't like the ideas, go screw them, not me!) Other than that.. my tutor thought it was good. Sigh, I'm not buying that. I know myself and how bad I am. My points may have been very relevant, but I sure as hell wasn't presenting.

Next hurdle: climate change essay. 1123 words to go! Plus, reorganising it, editing it, proof reading it!

6°C Autumn Days

2009-04-28T18:21:00.004+10:00

We entered our second month of Autumn awhile ago and the Antarctic blast has turned Melbourne's Autumn into an early Winter.

It's so bitterly cold - I don't even know where to begin.

I have never put on anything longer than a pair of shorts during Winter (and Spring, Summer, Autumn) and I seldom throw on a pair jumper. Now, I wear knee-length shorts and a t-shirt with a jumper over it! Not forgetting socks! I wear a pair of socks at home (now)!!

6°C is in the city is unbelievable!

Alpine areas NSW, Victoria and SA are getting snow falls up to 20cm! Is this crazy or what?

Not too long ago, I had my Geomorphology practical class outside, in the cold, for 2 hours! The bitterly cold winds and drizzle was unbearable! It was 8-9°C around that time, 2.15 to 4.15pm. When it was time to head off, a few prac mates and I went into our prac lab to match our findings and pick up our bags. I couldn't hold my pencil and I couldn't write anything! My fingers were so frozen.. I had to sit on them, rubs them against each other, shake them, and did whatever it took to warm my fingers! They were so pale.. so sad.. so miserly..

Ahh, why do they make us suffer like that!

Don't get me wrong. I love Winter (or cold days)! I also want to play with snow!

Can?

What Do I Do?

2009-04-26T17:02:00.003+10:00

I typed out a long post, but I decided to delete it.

I don't know what to blog about anymore..

I don't know what to do.

I'm so lost and I'm running deeper into the woods.

Fed Up

2009-04-24T19:48:00.002+10:00

I received a funny email from the Blogger Team saying that I have (or rather had) a post that infringes (or rather infringed) upon copyrights of others. I typed some past tense words in parenthesis because it has already been removed. I don't get it. I didn't "steal" anything and said that it is my own. I clearly had The Ting Tings' name to show that I took the song from them. I've had other posts like that, but I don't see why it's just that one post.

Other than that, I'm very fed up with my housemate. And I've given up.

I hate blogging.

I'm very pissed.

Pretty Wall

2009-04-23T00:17:00.002+10:00

Two weeks ago, I started on my new wallpaper. I finished the design for one frame and I hid my ideas in a box ever since.

For two weeks, I've been staring at just one frame.. a lonely, lonely frame with a tree, a bunny and a bird enclosed in it.

So finally, last night I decided to continue on my last 2 frames and came up with other designs and patterns. Tonight, I finished it and I feel so successful! It took me sometime to attach blu-tack onto individual cut outs and to paste them on the wall carefully just so the black paint won't smear onto my landlord's wall. Now, my fingers are so numb and I have other things to look at! A cute creature, butterflies, circles, flowers, hearts, etc.. sweet.

I feel like adding more things, but I'm still thinking of what to draw. Hmm... something is missing.

All I have to do now is write my climate change essay outline!

And I'm just downing my fair trade chocolates like there's no tomorrow.

Twitterific!

2009-04-19T16:28:00.004+10:00

So I spent a couple of hours designing my Twitter background, adjusting it, editing it, and uploading it onto Twitter for numerous times, just so it fits perfectly.

Here's how it looks like now:

*drum rolls*

And now, I'm off to finalise my Australian Foreign Relations essay!

*grumbles...*

Dearest Natt,

2009-04-17T22:58:00.002+10:00

Happy 17th Birthday!

It's sad that we don't have a photo together. But you know, no one asked you to move to the US and not here! So it's kindda your fault! Nah, just kidding!

You've grown so much ever since we met. Taller (just a little, haha!), smarter and you have matured! I actually thought that you wouldn't grow and be the small kiddo I first met. I guess everyone has grow at some point, hey? I miss you, really. I miss hanging out with you in school when we had to train for sports day! I miss chatting with you over MSN! We hardly do that now! Anyhoo, I'm very proud of you for what you've become! *claps*

I hope you'll have a blast at your party tomorrow, which is kindda your actual birthdate.. hehe. You will never know what surprise you might get! Drown yourself in alcohol and go get drunk! You have my permission. Haha!

Many, many happy returns, small fart! You know I'm always here for some *cough* "adult" advice or anything you would want to talk about!

Much love!

xoxo

Mhhmm, yummy!

2009-04-16T14:22:00.003+10:00

So I was at Sheryl's for dinner last night.

We had roast lamb, roast pork (Chinese style), salad, and I made potato and sweet potato mash! Mog wasn't home (Shez's apartment mate), so it was just me, Shez, Titus, and Titus' friend, Clement. Poor Shez has food poisoning from Shabu buffet the night before, so all she ate was some salad and mash. Dinner was yummy! But none of the guys could finish the lamb.. hmmm?

I tried to help her and Titus to put together their 1000 puzzle pieces after dinner and omg, it wasn't easy at all! Firstly, the puzzle is of two pandas in black and white (doh). Secondly, her coffee table is black in colour. Thirdly, other puzzle pieces were on the brown carpeted floor. Hmmm... black, white and brown - they are so similar! It was quite tough. I managed to piece together a small part of the baby panda's eye! I feel so accomplished (yet unsuccessful, you know?).

After everyone got bored of trying to piece the puzzle together, we played mini Mahjong! My first time playing mahjong! At first, it was quite hard for me to remember the Chinese characters. I only know numbers 1, 2, 3, and 5! I know, I'm such a banana. It took me sometime to remember the numbers.. and now, I only recognise 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7! How sad!! But it's alright. Ai Leen won once!! Soooo clever, right? I know. Hehe. We played until 12am!

At times I laughed so hard (I thought I was gonna get a tummy muscle pull) because Titus kept talking like a Hongkee, then like an Indian. Tsk, tsk! Plus, Shez imitated our practical coordinator (she's from Bangladesh, just so you know). I'll never be able to see my practical coordinator in the same way ever!

Left with Clement at 12am and I realised how scary the city is at night..

Hmm, maybe that's why I don't go out at night?

I'm gonna blame them for making me like Mahjong now! I might even want to buy myself a Mahjong set!! Now I can't wait for mom to bring my Mahjong Lami or Jimrummy over in August! I think I found other "kakis" to play with. *evil laughs*

Who knew final could be so tough, yet so fun?

21 Years

2009-04-15T00:25:00.001+10:00

Thinking You Might Slam The Breaks Again

2009-04-14T21:35:00.006+10:00

As I was deleting forwarded emails from my Hotmail account, I couldn't resist but to reread the email you sent to me.

24.10.2007

What happened to us? Where do I stand as your "bestest friend"?

I scrolled right to the end. I read that particular line over and over again. I wanted to make sure if what you said in that email is still valid today. My eyes led me to read that sentence for the tenth time:

"... i sincerely tell you that you are my bestest fren".

I can't help buy reminisce on the times we had. We laughed together, we cried together, we argued with each other, we shared everything together. Then I snapped out of it. The Earth seemed to have stopped for a second and everything collapsed when it started to move again. I realised we were never what you said we are.

I've done so much despite our distance, but you never call, text, write wall comments, initiate conversations online, and email me. If you can do all those for other people, why can't you just drop me a simple 'how are you' message online? After all, I'm in the same contact list as the rest. It's not demanding for you to just click on my name and type out a few words. Although I like to believe that we are just friends now, I still approach you whenever I'm down, when I have problem or when I just miss you.

You appear cold. You seem like you don't care. But I really don't know what you're thinking..

I've tried to ask you subtly, but you never seem to get it.

I miss you.

Lost

2009-04-13T15:18:00.002+10:00

Discipline is not in my blood.

I'm not obedient enough to sit down and start of my research, what more on my essay? Ellie has already done slightly less than half and I have yet to finish my introduction that has no contention. What can I do? What do I do? I need to have done my research in order to write my contention. I really hate essays.. especially writing essays for a subject I dislike - I really have no interest in Australian politics.

Hey, Trina, help me out here. How do you discipline yourself? How do you adhere to your planned timetable? You're the most disciplined and organised person I've ever met!

Sigh.

I know I'm like that, but I still can't correct myself.

What's wrong with me?

Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T22:22:00.010+10:00

I have tonight, tomorrow and Tuesday to come up with a solid outline. How am I going to do it? I don't know what my contention is, I haven't done sufficient research and I only have minimal knowledge about AFR.

I can't be saved. Two days of going out.. and not a tad of guilt.

Last night, I baked until 2am in the morning. I came home late, around 10.30ish pm, from watching Shinjuku Incident. Tried my very best to buy my essentials (covered flats and jackets/coats for Winter), but I failed miserably. It is true that whenever you go all out to look for something, you will never be able to find it! But when you're not looking for anything, you will always find something. Thankfully, as for baking needs, I managed to buy the ingredients from Coles.. If I lingered around Melbourne Central for any longer, I wouldn't have been able to grab my baking essentials.

I made Easter cupcakes: vanilla buttermilk and triple chocolate. The vanilla buttermilk is better and the triple chocolate is a little disappointing. But anyhoo, this is the first time I used the Cupcake Creations' recipes.. with trial and error, I'll nail it one day.

Sigh, hopefully, I can get some work done.

Happy Easter, folks!

Crap Post

2009-04-10T18:45:00.002+10:00

Good Friday.

Tomorrow's Black Saturday, not Holy Saturday. As gloomy as it sounds, it serves as a reminder to all Australians of the actual Black Saturday that occurred in February. It's quite depressing just to even type it out..

Anyhoo, I was awaken by my sister walking in to my room without my permission. Well, I woke up several times before that because I kept snoozing all my alarms (I had 3 alarms) nonstop. We were supposed to watch 17 Again with my friend, Sheryl, but didn't quite work out. So I'll just watch it with Sheryl this weekend or during our so-called break. Instead, my sister and I went to Straits for yummy Malaysian food with Nick and Mandy. We managed to reach there before 2.30pm (they close then) and we had so much to eat! Now, everyone's just doing nothing.

And.. I am soooo happy that Dictionary.com is now a free application for iPhone or iPod Touch!

I'm currently taking a day off from doing anything Uni-related. It's such a stressful year and I don't know how well I can cope! I just handed in 2 of the most important essays for 2 subjects this week.. and I don't want to get my hopes high at all. In the end, I just crush them myself. Sigh..

Other than that, my life is a rollercoaster and it's boring. However, I can't wait for roast at Sheryl's place on Wednesday. If it's on for real, I think I'm going to either make Brownies or go early to help or make a dish. What should I do? Hmm..

I'll have to pick up from where I stopped for my AFR research and actually start writing it! Then prepare for numerous presentations and start on my SD research and essay! Zomg.. 2000 and 3000.. Sigh. But, I need to get myself a cooling pad first!

Hello Officeworks! See you tomorrow!